When you’re between 18 and 25, relationships can feel like the center of your world. Everything is intense — love, heartbreak, connection, confusion — all of it. I get it. I was there once too. But now, at 39, with a few scars, lessons, and stories under my belt, I want to share some honest advice I wish I’d known back then.

1. You’re Still Figuring Out Who You Are — and That’s Okay

At 18 or even 25, you’re still discovering who you really are. You’ll change — your priorities, your dreams, even your taste in people. And that’s not a bad thing. Just remember, if you’re growing and the person you’re with isn’t, it’s okay to outgrow a relationship. You don’t owe your younger self a lifelong commitment to a version of you that no longer exists.

2. Love Shouldn’t Hurt or Confuse You Constantly

There’s a big difference between working through challenges and being in constant emotional chaos. If every day feels like a fight, if you’re always walking on eggshells, or if you’re trying to fix someone more than love them — it’s not healthy love. It’s draining, and it’ll rob you of your peace.
Love can be passionate and peaceful. You deserve both.

3. Communication Is Everything

Most relationships don’t fail because people stop loving each other — they fail because people stop communicating honestly. Don’t play guessing games. Don’t expect someone to read your mind. Speak up about your feelings, needs, and boundaries. And when your partner does the same, listen without getting defensive. You can’t build something real without open communication.

4. Don’t Lose Yourself Trying to Keep Someone

You should never have to shrink yourself to make someone else comfortable. Don’t give up your friends, hobbies, goals, or independence just to fit someone’s expectations. If they truly care about you, they’ll want you to grow — not control who you become.

5. Heartbreak Won’t Kill You — Even When It Feels Like It Will

Breakups at that age feel like the end of the world. You’ll think you’ll never love again, never heal again. But you will. Every heartbreak teaches you something — about your worth, your boundaries, your capacity to love, and what you actually need. Don’t run from the pain. Learn from it.

6. Be With Someone Who Adds to Your Life, Not Defines It

You should build your own happiness before you share it with someone else. A healthy relationship is two complete people choosing to grow together — not two broken people trying to complete each other. The best love isn’t about possession; it’s about partnership.

7. You’re Allowed to Walk Away

No matter how long you’ve been together, no matter what you’ve shared — if it’s toxic, unbalanced, or hurting you more than helping you, you can walk away. Loving someone doesn’t mean you have to tolerate being mistreated. Your peace and mental health are worth protecting.

At 39, I’ve learned that real love isn’t flashy or perfect. It’s quiet. It’s steady. It’s two people showing up for each other — even on the hard days — without losing themselves in the process.
So if you’re in your late teens or early twenties, take your time. Fall in love, learn, grow, make mistakes — but never forget that you are the foundation of any relationship you build.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. So fill yours first.